Monday, March 3, 2014

12 Step Slogan Salvation

Had a bad day at work? Like to tell that boss to go South...way South? Grab a Slogan Instead!

Feel like guzzling some Stoli, maybe kicking a puppy into traffic, punching out a gum-ball machine, hitting a biker bar? Grab a Slogan Instead!

Drowning in despair because while you were spilling your guts to your sponsor on the phone, your PVR didn't pick up the Bill Wilson Story on the late, late night forgotten TV network..and the cookies you were baking for the show are sending smoke signals from your oven? You know the drill.                                                 

Oh, the sweet slogans of AA. How do they save thee, let me count the ways.

There are just so many choose from! It's a mental candy store for crackpots! I feel like a kid again! Run with me, oh run with me..dance in the colours of the spiritual rainbow! Bathe in Bill Wilson's fountain of life!

Where do I start? Well, I'll just go to my top five all time faves, number one being my personal pinnacle of all out peace and perfection. 

5) Let Go and Let God

I love it; I'm no longer responsible for my own problems! Okay, Here I go. My balloons of self-will are floating away now, high into the stratosphere. There they go. Goodbye, oh burdens! Oh, look..I see a hand reaching out of the sky..it's grabbing those terrible helium breathing monsters; it's crushing them! But what if the *god of my understanding is a tree or a telephone pole? What if my balloons get snagged? Then I'm stuck with them! Now I have fear. What do I do with that?

4) F.E.A.R. (False Events Appearing Real, OR F**k Everything And Run.)

Well I'm glad we cleared that up! My fear isn't real. Pheeww! I was about to have a real drink! And just in case my false emotions end up morphing into reality somehow, those sneaky bastards, like those feelings that the old timeys tell me I have..that "disease" sent by Satan to destroy me, 
I can go with the latter take on this slogan and head for the hills. But which way do I run?...

3)  Think, Think, Think

Toss me a visual Old Timey, I'm stuck on this one.  Think of puppies? Rainbows? Dropping my father-in-law off on a deserted highway? The "disease" that's feasting on my brain while I sleep? Pick a new god of my understanding perhaps? I like Bob Newhart. He'd be a cool god. Can I use Bob Newhart? I don't understand. Which thought...where, when, why, who, how? Don't interrupt me, I'm thinking.  Are there no-no thoughts that I should know about? Can I get a filing cabinet or a jump-drive so I can sort this shit out? Throw me a bone guys! Share your wisdom with me...

2) Pass It On

Pass the coffee pot? The collection basket? The stale donuts? The fart I've been stifling so that I don't interrupt the speaker? Oh, you mean pass on my AA salvation! Of course! In fact, you can have it all. I'm done with it. I've re-sorted my priorities. Thanks for everything...

1) First Things First

And second things second, third things third? Got it. Wait...what comes first? Who's on second? A quiz? I love quizzes!

"Johnny has to do three things today. He has to get little Suzy from the daycare, cook supper and go to an AA meeting. But the meeting is at 5 pm, and Johnny's wife won't be home until 5:15. Does he:

A) Get Suzy from the daycare, cook supper, wait for Mommy and arrive a bit late to the meeting...


B) Get Suzy from the daycare, fly her to the McDonalds drive thru and take her to AA with him?

Okay, give me sec....right, got it...B! I was right? Woo Hoo! Of course, because if he misses the meeting, his disease will kick his 
ass and he will lose it all and die on skid row! 

Oh, the AA slogans....true beacons of light in the dark halls of addiction!

*3rd Step of AA..."We turned our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.."

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